Turning to God

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Phillipians 4:7

There have been times in our two-plus years of marriage that Leslye has said I have a way with words – mostly in a good way ;). Many people have told me in my life that I am a great wordsmith, but at times like this, sometimes the right words seem to escape me – so excuse me if I babble a bit.

It is amazing to me how the whole process of life works. Most of the time, we take a lot of things for granted.

Every morning we get up, we take a deep breath, we take a shower, brush our teeth, eat, work, eat, spend time doing this or that, brush our teeth again, sleep and then get up and do it all over again.

God has blessed us with talents and has given us the opportunity to use those gifts to bless others. And sometimes we take that for granted as well.

I have to confess that being 32 years old and an expecting father scared me a bit – as I suppose it scares everyone when the news comes.

I was scared that I wouldn’t be the wonderful dad my father was and is to me and eventually – if God so blessed us with grandchildren – the wonderful grandfather mine was to me as well.

I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to give my child everything he/she needed or that I wouldn’t always be there for the “big” moments in life. I was scared that I wouldn’t be there to help my awesome wife do all she needed help with over the years. I know that missing things is a part of parenthood because you can’t be around for every significant moment all their lives.

I want my children to know God and find Him and follow Him and live only for Him, because that is what I have tried to do in my life, and I hope that is passed down to his/hers.

Several weeks ago, we got happy news. Les took a home test and then a blood test to find out that we were to be blessed with a bundle of joy.

Of course, quickly, you get attached because this is your baby. Then on Tuesday, our world was rocked. When we found out that the sonogram was not what we wanted to see, our hearts were broken and our tears of joy turned to tears of fear, anxiety and grief.

Today, we found out that it is mostly certain that we have had a miscarriage – we will have another sonogram next Wednesday to confirm, but the hormone levels went down instead of doubling like they should have over the 40-48 hour period.

Through this whole waiting roller coaster we have been on since Tuesday, I have done my best to look at the positive side of things while also trying to prepare myself for the worse. And today, my biggest fear – that of losing what is to be our child – has come to pass.

The doctor said that if it was going to happen that the first trimester is the best for Leslye. And that this was God’s way of saying that there was something wrong with the chromosomes.

That doesn’t make it any easier, but I know God is in control, and I have done my best to give this all over to Him since Tuesday evening. I know that He is my Rock and my Shield, and I am doing my best to lean on Him and hide behind Him.

I am doing my best to also hold up my wife – knowing full well she is holding me up as well and that God is the true One holding us up.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” – Romans 15:13

We want to thank all who have been praying in earnest for us over the last few days – and we ask that you continue to do so. They are truly appreciated.

For not having much to say, I know I have said a lot. As most of you know, I like to talk and write, and I guess this is my therapy to some extent.

I fully believe that God will one day give me the chance to be scared again. I welcome that chance when it comes - and can promise you I won't take it for granted.

We know we are surrounded by a great number of people that love us, and we love each of you, thank you for loving support and leave you with this simple prayer to our God as we turn this all over to Him:

Father, hear the prayer we offer,
Please take us in your loving arms and wrap us with your gentle presence.
Give us the comfort as only You know how and the peace to navigate through these stormy waters.
We know you are God, and we praise you for the blessings you have given.
We put our trust, our faith and our hope in You, your Son and your Spirit – for only you can see us through yesterday, today and tomorrow.
Amen