Healing

All week I have felt like I should post something as a closure to our last few posts, but wasn't sure where to start or what to say. I definitely do not have the way with words that Joey does, but it is something that I wanted to do and needed to do...so here it goes.

Thank you for your encouraging comments, thoughts and prayers. Many times, I have gone back and read the comments. It has helped to know how much love surrounds us. We are healing and continue to heal. I feel like I have healed physically (we'll see what the doctor thinks on Tuesday), and I am back to my normal routine. We continue to heal emotionally with each sunrise and sunset. Each day it gets easier.

The last 3 weeks have been the most difficult in my life. I am thankful to my family and friends who have supported me and helped me through these weeks. I am most thankful to my wonderful husband who has loved me, held me, cried with me, and who has been there for me and with me. Our marriage and love for each other is stronger because of this experience. We know that God has a plan for us and all though we may not understand why things happen, He knows. We pray that one day He will bless us with the opportunity to be parents and to have a healthy baby to love.

God has truely blessed us with each other and with wonderful family and friends!
We love you all!

Turning to God

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Phillipians 4:7

There have been times in our two-plus years of marriage that Leslye has said I have a way with words – mostly in a good way ;). Many people have told me in my life that I am a great wordsmith, but at times like this, sometimes the right words seem to escape me – so excuse me if I babble a bit.

It is amazing to me how the whole process of life works. Most of the time, we take a lot of things for granted.

Every morning we get up, we take a deep breath, we take a shower, brush our teeth, eat, work, eat, spend time doing this or that, brush our teeth again, sleep and then get up and do it all over again.

God has blessed us with talents and has given us the opportunity to use those gifts to bless others. And sometimes we take that for granted as well.

I have to confess that being 32 years old and an expecting father scared me a bit – as I suppose it scares everyone when the news comes.

I was scared that I wouldn’t be the wonderful dad my father was and is to me and eventually – if God so blessed us with grandchildren – the wonderful grandfather mine was to me as well.

I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to give my child everything he/she needed or that I wouldn’t always be there for the “big” moments in life. I was scared that I wouldn’t be there to help my awesome wife do all she needed help with over the years. I know that missing things is a part of parenthood because you can’t be around for every significant moment all their lives.

I want my children to know God and find Him and follow Him and live only for Him, because that is what I have tried to do in my life, and I hope that is passed down to his/hers.

Several weeks ago, we got happy news. Les took a home test and then a blood test to find out that we were to be blessed with a bundle of joy.

Of course, quickly, you get attached because this is your baby. Then on Tuesday, our world was rocked. When we found out that the sonogram was not what we wanted to see, our hearts were broken and our tears of joy turned to tears of fear, anxiety and grief.

Today, we found out that it is mostly certain that we have had a miscarriage – we will have another sonogram next Wednesday to confirm, but the hormone levels went down instead of doubling like they should have over the 40-48 hour period.

Through this whole waiting roller coaster we have been on since Tuesday, I have done my best to look at the positive side of things while also trying to prepare myself for the worse. And today, my biggest fear – that of losing what is to be our child – has come to pass.

The doctor said that if it was going to happen that the first trimester is the best for Leslye. And that this was God’s way of saying that there was something wrong with the chromosomes.

That doesn’t make it any easier, but I know God is in control, and I have done my best to give this all over to Him since Tuesday evening. I know that He is my Rock and my Shield, and I am doing my best to lean on Him and hide behind Him.

I am doing my best to also hold up my wife – knowing full well she is holding me up as well and that God is the true One holding us up.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” – Romans 15:13

We want to thank all who have been praying in earnest for us over the last few days – and we ask that you continue to do so. They are truly appreciated.

For not having much to say, I know I have said a lot. As most of you know, I like to talk and write, and I guess this is my therapy to some extent.

I fully believe that God will one day give me the chance to be scared again. I welcome that chance when it comes - and can promise you I won't take it for granted.

We know we are surrounded by a great number of people that love us, and we love each of you, thank you for loving support and leave you with this simple prayer to our God as we turn this all over to Him:

Father, hear the prayer we offer,
Please take us in your loving arms and wrap us with your gentle presence.
Give us the comfort as only You know how and the peace to navigate through these stormy waters.
We know you are God, and we praise you for the blessings you have given.
We put our trust, our faith and our hope in You, your Son and your Spirit – for only you can see us through yesterday, today and tomorrow.
Amen

Prayers Needed

As many of you already know, we had our first sonogram today. I had hopes of posting sonogram pictures this evening to share, but instead I am asking for your prayers.

We did not get to see or hear what we thought we would today. We first got concerned when the sonogram tech said that she was not seeing what she should be seeing for 8 weeks. The good news is that there is a sac and a yoke and it is in the uterus. The concern is that it is not as developed as it should be and that I am pretty sure about the dates. It was very hard for both of us to see and hear. The doctor came in and told us the next thing to do is blood work to see my hormone count. So, I went to the hospital and did the blood work today and will go back Thursday evening for more blood work. If the hormone level increases then I am pregnant and not as far along as I thought and they will monitor and do another sonogram. If the hormone levels do not increase then there is the possibility of a miscarriage. So, we will not know anything until Friday. So now it is time to pray and wait.

I expected today to be a day with tears of joy, but now I have tears of the unknown and of fear. Those of you who know me well know that tears do not come easy for me, but they have been flowing this evening. I know that I need to try to stay positive so I am trying to focus on the positive. That was the doctor's advice, it is just really hard to do. We love and pray for this baby daily and will continue to do so even more in the coming days.

Please pray for the baby, my health, and our marriage as we go through this together.