A Taboo Subject

While my brain is on negotiation and conflict as I am working on my class work and paper writing, my heart is on something different this evening.  My heart is saddened and warmed at the same time.  If you are a "facebook"er in the past few weeks you have seen many "In Memory" status updates.  Today's popular "In Memory" is "IN MEMORY of all babies born sleeping or whom we have carried but never met or held in our arms. Make this your profile status if You or someone you know has suffered the loss of a baby. ♥ The majority won't do it, because unlike cancer, baby loss is still a taboo subject ♥ Break the silence, In Memory of all Angel Babies gone too soon but never forgotten* ♥."  While my heart is saddened with thoughts of the precious baby that I carried for a few weeks and never met or held in my arms, my heart is warmed by the fact that this is being posted all over facebook by those that have suffered a loss of a baby or those who know someone that has suffered the loss. 

Deep in my heart there will always be a special place for the baby that I never got to met or hold.  It is amazing to me the bond that is formed between a mother and a baby even in a few weeks time.  While I never saw a little hand or a little foot, I know that there was a heartbeat and precious life.  For weeks, I felt an emptiness when I learned that I would not get to hold my precious baby.  While that emptiness does ocasionally come back, I now feel a since of peace and a special love for my "angel baby".  That peace comes from the amazing support I have had from my wonderful husband as we have gone through this loss together.  Mostly, that peace comes from knowing and trusting God's good and perfect will. 

Through my experience, I have learned that "baby loss is still a taboo subject".  It is not something that we really ever thinking about happening.  The day that I saw the postive result on the pregancy test, I never thought of the chance that I could loss the baby.  I only dreamed and longed for the experience of a healthy pregnancy and for the day I got to hold my bundle of joy.  I have also learned how so many people have experienced a baby loss that I had no idea.  The doctor told me the percentage of miscarriages, but it really did not sink in until I began to hear of other's losses. They told us of their stories as a way to provide comfort and hope to us.  I guess it is not something we often share because it is a sad and difficult subject.  I think it is also hard to talk about when someone is going though the loss because no one is sure what to say.  One thing that I do hope is because of my experience, I am able to be an encouragement and blessing to others who may experience such a loss.

The facebook posts has brought me to these reflections as they have saddened and warmed my heart.  My heart is warmed that people are remembering these "angel babies" and their mothers and fathers.  As I will always have a special angel baby in my heart, I pray that God may bless me with the opportunity for my heart to grow to love my angel baby's brothers and/or sisters.